Dear God, I Love Bacon

It's the perfect synthesis of all your basic food groups, meat and fat. It's welcome for dinner, lunch, or breakfast. It's great by itself, on the side, or when wrapped around another food product. In fact, if you could wrap bacon around bacon you might create a nexus of awesome so great the world as we know it would end and an entirely new and perfect universe would open up. I love bacon.

Which is why when someone complains about it being too much work to make I want to claw their eyes out with a fork. They've put no effort into maximizing their bacon intake while minimizing the clean up. Making bacon is quick, easy, and requires absolutely zero clean up.

All you need is a cookie sheet, a cooling rack, and a cold oven. Layer the cookie sheet with aluminum foil (I told you no clean up) and put the cooling rack on top. You don't technically need the rack, but it keeps the bacon out of it's own grease and helps it brown up real nice.

Then just drop that bad boy in a cold oven, turn the temp to 400º and let it go. By allowing the bacon to heat up with the oven, you're giving it time for the fat to render off. If you're one of those philistines who like soggy bacon, then you can pre-heat the oven and put the bacon in after. I wouldn't do that though, because I love bacon.

How long do you cook it at 400º? Well, that depends. About 2 minutes, but you have to be really careful because bacon goes from done to charcoal ribbons in about 30 seconds. Luckily, this is the one case where you can keep opening the oven door and you won't hurt a thing, so I say just keep an eye on it and don't worry about the time.

What's that? You're one of those sad, divorced guys who only has a toaster oven and an I.O.U. where your dignity used to be? No problem, we can make that work too. I wouldn't want to compound your misery by leaving you without bacon as well.

Just line your sad little toaster tray with foil, drape it with bacon and pop it in at 200 degrees. Once it reaches temperature bump it up 25 degrees every minute or so until you get to 350. By then it should be perfect.

Did I mention that I love bacon?


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