Phil's International Flair

This recipe comes from a work associate, Philippe, who is a bachelor and happens to have a dysfunctional oven. Philippe is from France, but in this recipe his culinary skills leave much to be desired.

• 1 chicken halved
• Garlic butter for basting
• Salt and pepper to taste

Place the chicken, skin side up, in a baking pan. Salt and pepper to taste. Preheat the oven to 375. Put the chicken in the oven. When the smoke alarm goes off, the chicken is done!

Hint: If your oven happens to work properly, baste the chicken every 10 minutes and turn over after 20 minutes of cooking. Bake for a total of 50 minutes before serving.

• Yields: 2 to 4 servings if you're lucky.
• Preparation Time: Depends on how good the battery is in your smoke alarm!

This is an actual recipe from the Alaska Department of Fish and Game Cookbook. It is unusual and although I haven't yet tried it, it seems like an innovative idea.

• 1 whole salmon, 4 to 7 lbs
• 1 lemon, sliced
• Foil for wrapping
• ½ onion, sliced
• Herbs of your choice (tarragon and savory recommended)
• 6 slices butter

Place the whole salmon in the center of the foil, season with herbs inside and out. Place half the slices of butter inside of the fish and the other half on top of the fish. Do the same with the slices of lemon, arranging them in the cavity and on top of the fish. Fold the foil and roll the edges so that the entire fish is sealed.

Finally, arrange your dishes in the dishwasher, leaving room on the top shelf for the foil wrapped salmon. Place the salmon on the top rack of the dishwasher, being careful to not pierce the foil. Turn on the dishwasher, normal or hot cycle and wash your dishes as you normally would. By the time the washer is done with the drying cycle, the fish will be done and ready to serve on your clean dishes. Simply unwrap the fish at the dinner table and serve with vegetables of your choice.

• Yields: 6 to 8 servings
• Preparation Time: 40 minutes

Carp is probably one of the boniest fish to eat. Orientals sometimes bake carp and serve it whole at the dinner table where family members can pick the flesh from the carcass with chopsticks. Carp isn't particularly bad tasting if it grows in clean, cold water. Most carp, however, choose to live in rather warm and algae ridden ponds, lakes or streams. The algae affects the taste of the fish and often makes this particular species unpalatable.

• 1 whole carp, sliced open
• 1 board large enough to hold the carp
• Salt and pepper to taste
• Herbs of choice

This recipe requires an outdoor fire. Slice and fold the carp open. Nail the carp to the board on all sides and season to your liking. Prop the board up over an open fire or grill so that radiant heat cooks the fish. Allow the fish to cook in this manner for about 45 minutes to one hour.

Remove nails from board and remove carp. Discard nails and carp. Eat board!

• Yields: 100 servings (most people won't be able to chew this one)
• Preparation Time: 45 minutes

This recipe should be fun for the kids. You can play a good April Fool's joke on them by serving this one for after school snacks.

• 1 package fruit roll ups
• Assorted gummy worms
• Rice Krispies

Lay one sheet of the fruit roll ups on a counter top and cover bottom half with Rice Krispies. Place gummy worms in the center of the Krispies and roll up from the bottom to form a cylinder. Slice into 6 evenly sized pieces and arrange on a serving dish. Decorate some with sprinkles, or serve some without. Extra gummy worms can be arranged on the serving dish for appearance. Other gummy creatures may be used as well.

• Yields: About 6, depending on your kids.
• Preparation Time: 15 minutes